​Meet Cecilia Josephine! 

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She joined us February 16th and I am forever changed. Five months in, I'm still processing her birth, which did not go the way I had hoped, and learning who I am now that I am also her mom. In spite of an unexpected c-section, the physical recovery has been relatively easy (thanks to 20ish years of yoga and Juliana, a great pelvic floor PT) but I needed more time for emotional processing. I thought I'd be back to a regular teaching schedule but I'm still sorting out my capacity; honoring what is true is the biggest part of my practice right now. This is the yogic practice of satya. 
My time on my mat is limited but we're doing lots of yoga. We pay attention. I love watching her; she loves watching the bumblebees dipping in and out of the colors blooming in our garden or studying the movements of my lips, her fingers clumsily tracing the lines around my mouth and eyes. She's enamored with our elderly cat Stella; we're all surprised at Stella's patience with Cece's outbursts of affection. I don't know how much mental chatter or citta vrttis babies have- but I do know hers are often suspended in awe of the world around her; yoga is her natural state.

What an immense gift to see the world fresh through her eyes. I'm reminded that yoga is not a practice of transforming into something new but of stripping back a lifetime of conditioning to reveal ourselves. Our way before we adapted to survive, to receive love, and to avoid harm in this world. Cece greats all with her heart wide open, love just streaming from her eyes and her smile. She doesn't know another way. What a world we could live in if we could all remember where we started.

To return to ourselves- and to a state of love- requires a felt sense of safety so our nervous system can stand down. So we can resist reactions drenched in the emotions of past experiences (samskaras, in yoga) and choose a new response. The system of yoga offers some powerful tools.  Asana: physical poses to ground the body and reveal where and how we hold tension. Pranayama: breath work to break up patterns and help us downshift. And the bulk of the work: refining (remembering!) how to turn off the noise and pay attention, to stay present to what's true. 
We already have these skills within us. I know this in my bones as I listen to my daughter hum and sing herself to sleep, the vibrations soothing her little system. As she wriggles to find the comfort of my body when she wakes at night. How could you change the course of your day if you could interrupt stress by taking a few minutes to tune in to your senses? To ground yourself? To pay attention? How could you change your relationship to the world? The small ways we can interrupt our own patterns have the potential to significantly alter our collective future, I truly believe this. It's a reminder I need as my heart breaks with the state of the world.

Inspired by Cece's humming and the bees I have a few new classes up on YouTube. I'm in the planning stages for an in-person fundraising class for Heal Palestine in early September. And I'll continue to find time to share some guided practice with you all! <3 

Hope you're finding pockets of ease this summer.

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Reflection on this today. I was experiencing some conflict in one of my friendships a few months back, and had said in therapy, “I know it’s coming from a place of love.” & my brilliant therapist asked, “Does it feel like love? Isn’t that what matters?” 🤯🤯🤯 I have been seeing posts within the yoga community in the vein of “loving all beings” and compassion for “all sides.” I know this is in line with the yogic teachings- we are all the same at the core, we are all one. Non-dualism. The intentions aren’t wrong. 
But how that lands in the midst of the current uprising against systemic racism and oppression? When black and brown people are literally fighting for their lives in the streets? It doesn’t land as love. It lands as a dismissal. It lands as a brush-off of the pain and reality of daily life for so much of our country.

As students of yoga- and as humans- our job is to dig under the surface of things, however messy that may get in the process. To peel back the layers of conditioning- personally and collectively. And our group conditioning- our samskaras, in yoga- includes white supremacy, includes fear of the “other,” specifically black men. This is a white person problem and it’s our job to do the work to fix it. We cannot sit on the sidelines and extol the virtues of ahimsa when our silence lands as harm. When our “love and light” lands as harm. Love is action. 
So what to do? Start with educating yourself. Google is your friend. I highly recommend following @rachel.cargleand @nicoleacardoza to start. Love is an action, and it’s time for us all to act. 💚

I’m still in the early stages of learning. I look back on past actions and cringe. And I have been called to task. I felt the textbook white fragility response. It’s not comfortable but it is necessary. 
#yogapractice #yogaeverydamnday#yogaeveryday#yogainthetimeofcorona#yogaoffthemat #ahimsa #nonharming
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I love going back to Costa Rica! On retreat last week, we played around with some animal totem cards that Kari brought from San Francisco. I pulled the hummingbird, whose "secret is that they have learned where to gather nectar and they return to these sources daily for nourishment and rejuvenation." There is something powerful about revisiting the same place that results in a conditioned response. My whole system- body and mind- softened upon landing. Senses incite a strong response: the sweet scents of flowers, baking scones and morning coffee, waves crashing on the dark stretch of sand, deep guttural sounds of howler monkeys, jungle air in the nostrils. In this environment, I didn't need a massage to work out the kinks from winter in Boston and some heavy personal stress (but I got one anyway!).
The practice of yoga is largely about recognizing conditioned patterns of thinking and behaving, or samskaras.  In the jungle, my senses- or salient network- combined with memories of being relaxed on the Osa, resulting in a system-wide unwind. In life outside paradise, we have a range of other associations, some of which can be less than helpful.
Let me give you an example. Early in the week, one of our yogis, Sandy, casually slipped on her shoe and ripped a tendon in her hand- a random accident. Depending on her past experiences- prior accidents, sicknesses, "bad luck" etc., Sandy could have given this injury a much larger meaning and her response could have been "this always happens to me, why is life so hard, why am I such a klutz..."  We have all been there! This line of thinking could easily ruin an afternoon or worse. And get this: when we revisit the same line of thinking, our thoughts start to change how our neurons fire, and create pathways in the brain- connectivity between a stimulus and a response. Life happens and we react. We give our experiences meaning. The more we revisit similar thoughts, the easier those pathways fire, and often we end up feeling the same old way. We default to old stories about ourselves and the people in our lives: "She always overreacts," or "I always mess things up."   
Picture car tires carving tracks in deep snow before the plows come through. The first car may have a tough go, but the ones that follow find the same grooves, and soon the roads are clear and all cars move a little easier. Our minds work in a similar way, creating paths of least resistance. So if we aren't happy with our current lot in life, how do we change? We can't control specific experiences. Sandy couldn't reverse time and un-tear her tendon. We also can't shut our thoughts off, as anyone who has tossed around in bed at night knows. So what is in our control? The choice is in our reaction. But knowing how the brain works, and how easily we can be conditioned, this isn't easy! In yoga or meditation, or any contemplative practice, the trick is to disrupt our usual lines of thinking. That is where our powerful senses come into play.
The moment we redirect attention to feeling instead of thinking, we override the narrating network in the brain. We pull ourselves into the present moment. During meditation and yoga, each time you redirect attention to the feeling of your feet on the ground or your breath in your chest, you disrupt your usual pathways and pull yourself into reality. In the present moment, we have a choice to see things clearly as they are, instead of overlaying years of experiences and reactions to current circumstances. And just like negative thoughts, with practice the brain re-wires to make this easier.
For me, yoga isn't about getting physically flexible (although you might!), it's about having more flexibility in life. Shake up old routines and live on purpose with a fresh mind.
Unlike the hummingbird, I can't revisit Costa Rica daily. Getting to the yoga studio is amazing, but not always an option. To harness the power of the senses to make practice easier, it really helps to establish a routine.  Have a set place at home- even a corner of a room- dedicated to practice. I like to burn incense or sage and start with a little chanting. At times I find music is helpful. Create a little environment to prime yourself for practice, and keep feeling your feet on the ground.  Stay with it! It actually gets easier.
If you want to learn more about the brain, check out Norman Farb's work at the University of Ontario.

It came to my attention this week that most of the metaphors I use in my teaching are related to food and cooking. Hey, we're supposed teach what we know, right? Hold out your hand like you're holding a pizza.  Imagine relaxing the feet and palms so they spread wide like a baking cookie.  Reach your arm like there is a piece of cheese just out of grasp. While these work for me, and I know my student was mainly kidding, it did get me thinking. These metaphors can easily push someone into a serious dinner fantasy ten minutes into class, which isn't necessarily helpful. One of my takeaways from recommitting to meditation this month has been learning that I can't meditate on an empty stomach- not unless I want to spend twenty minutes dreaming of a breakfast sandwich. Part of why we practice paying attention is so we can spend less time pulled from the present by desires and fantasies served up by the mind- to be more conscious of our patterns so we have the option to choose something different. In my teaching, I am now aware of a pattern and can consciously look for better alternatives that may be more accessible and more helpful for my students.  
Instead of food, let's look at the (mostly living) plants in my house.  I was not born with a green thumb. Luckily, I have learned from my mom and sister that the best ways to keep plants healthy and happy are deadheading flowers and pruning the dying leaves.  Cutting the parts that aren't working allows the plant to redirect energy into what is still growing and green.  At times I don't  notice for weeks- which doesn't bode well for my plants. That first step in pruning- seeing what needs to go- isn't any different for us humans.  This awareness can provide a better handle on what needs to be cut from our lives to make room for something different.  This could mean putting down the phone to be more present for your kids, choosing to have your meals not in front of the television, or looking around while walking down the street and really seeing. We all have habits that aren't helping us live our best lives. We're human after all.  The first step in growth along this path is just paying attention so if there are things to change, you at least notice them!  #thisiswhywepractice